{"id":659,"date":"2004-11-11T12:56:25","date_gmt":"2004-11-11T12:56:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/the19thfloor.net\/?p=659"},"modified":"2004-11-11T12:56:25","modified_gmt":"2004-11-11T12:56:25","slug":"does_it_come_wi","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/the19thfloor.net\/?p=659","title":{"rendered":"Does It Come With Lumps?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Do we really need a soda that tastes like mashed potatoes<\/a>? Nobody likes mashed potato more than me, but I prefer them without the carbonation. I know these holiday-themed sodas are mostly a marketing ploy, but they conjure up some unpleasant memories. When I was first put on the ventilator, I was forbidden from eating anything orally because my doctors were afraid I would aspirate and develop pneumonia. My consolation prize was these little spray bottles that contained flavored liquid. I was supposed to spray my mouth whenever I got the urge to taste something. One was supposed to taste like peanut butter and jelly. I think another one was pizza-flavored. As you might imagine, they weren’t that satisfying. These sodas seem like something you would give to someone who’s on a restricted diet because you want to them to feel included in the holiday festivities. Except that all you really end up doing is making that person even more depressed because they’re stuck sucking some artificially-flavored water through a straw while you’re chowing down on stuffing, glazed yams, and pumpkin pie.
\nMan, now I’m hungry for mashed potatoes.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Do we really need a soda that tastes like mashed potatoes? Nobody likes mashed potato more than me, but I prefer them without the carbonation. I know these holiday-themed sodas are mostly a marketing ploy, but they conjure up some unpleasant memories. When I was first put on the ventilator, I was forbidden from eating […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"sfsi_plus_gutenberg_text_before_share":"","sfsi_plus_gutenberg_show_text_before_share":"","sfsi_plus_gutenberg_icon_type":"","sfsi_plus_gutenberg_icon_alignemt":"","sfsi_plus_gutenburg_max_per_row":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-659","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","category-1-id","post-seq-1","post-parity-odd","meta-position-corners","fix"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p9Iwau-aD","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/the19thfloor.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/659","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/the19thfloor.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/the19thfloor.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/the19thfloor.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/the19thfloor.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=659"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/the19thfloor.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/659\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/the19thfloor.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=659"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/the19thfloor.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=659"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/the19thfloor.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=659"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}