I really should run for Congress. If the people of central Virginia are willing to elect a xenophobic, ignorant rube, then it can’t be too much of a stretch to imagine that the good folks of the Twin Cities could someday elect someone like me, wheelchair and tubes and extra orifices and all. Of course, I’ll have to wait until Rep. Ellison has moved on to other things before I can truly begin to plan my my campaign. But if a Muslim representative is enough to give men like Congressman Goode the vapors, I imagine that the presence of an atheist in the halls of Congress might provoke an even more visceral reaction. Fortunately, my nurses are also trained bodyguards, so I’ve got that front covered.

My good friend Adam Wahlberg has a wonderful article over at MSNBC in which he unapologetically shares his obsession for Rocky, while also giving some critical props to Sylvester Stallone. Give Adam some love and go read it.

Patrick O’Brien is a filmmaker with ALS who is attempting to raise funds for a film he’s creating about his experiences as a person living with a potentially fatal condition. He also wants to promote ALS research. To aid his efforts, Patrick is making available this poster of himself.

You can buy the poster here.

I really like this picture. It speaks to the fact that life’s pleasures are not beyond the reach of people with severe disabilities, even if those pleasures are enjoyed via nontraditional means. I also like Patrick’s sly, fuck-it-I-wanna-drink smile.

And yes, I’ve poured beer down my g-tube. But never the whole bottle. Given my size, one bottle would be enough to make me start thinking the girl across the room is actually giving me the look. And then all sorts of embarrassment would ensue.

What with all the attention given to Christmas and Hanukkah and Kwanzaa, we acolytes of His Noodliness the Flying Spaghetti Monster can feel a little trodden down. Fortunately, there are those us who are using the traditional conventions of the holiday season to remind people that there is only one true path to enlightenment. Behold:

Now that the 2006 political season is over, what’s a political junkie to do? Why, start studying the field of candidates for the 2008 presidential no-holds-barred deathcage elimination ultimate slugfest smackdown. Let’s start by looking at the Democrats:

John Edwards: I really liked Edwards’ “Two Americas” campaign theme; it seems to resonate with a lot of people who are feeling anxious about their jobs, their health care, and their retirement. And he’s a Southerner, a characteristic that seems to be a prerequisite for Democratic presidents in the last few decades. He seems to be doing well in the early Iowa polls, but he’s also been away from the political scene for a while, which could hurt him in terms of fundraising and putting together an effective campaign team.

Hillary Clinton: She’s got the name. She’s got the cash. She’s got the connections. And if she is the nominee, the Republicans will unleash their vast hordes of underworld minions to do massive amounts of oppo research to provide fodder for attack ads that will make the Swift Boat spots look like gentle teasing. Part of me wants her to run because I think she would make a formidable candidate. Part of me wants her to sit out so I don’t have to look at right-wing sloganeering like this.

Barack Obama: He could be the lightning in a bottle that Democrats have been looking for. Bright, articulate, handsome, young; it’s like he was engineered in some secret lab funded by George Soros. But he has a troubling tendency to be all things to all people. Then again, so does Hillary.
Al Gore: I think he’s having too much fun going to Hollywood parties and doing the talk show circuit to put all of that on hold for the unforgiving rigors of a political campaign. But if he does decide to run, pass the popcorn and enjoy the dirty looks exchanged between him and Hillary during the debates.

John Kerry: You’re kidding, right?

And then you have the also-rans like Evan Bayh, Joe Biden, and Bill Richardson. Then again, Bill Clinton was a second-tier candidate in the eyes of many pundits.

I’ll give the Republicans a similar treatment in the next few days.