Let’s talk about sex. There, I knew that would get your attention. I’ve touched on other aspects of the disability experience in this blog, but I’ve found that sex is the one issue where people have a great deal of curiosity but little willingness to ask. So turn away if this topic makes you uncomfortable.
Sex plays out differently for everyone and it’s no different for those of us with disabilities. My own sexual awakening came rather late. Throughout my teens and most of my twenties, I was uncertain as to whether anyone would want to have sex with me. After all, having a nurse around 24-7 makes cultivating a relationship a challenging proposition. For many years, the idea of getting laid seemed about as likely as me leaping out of my chair and taking up rock-climbing. I even considered paying someone for the experience, but that idea just never felt right. I’m not opposed to prostitution per se. I think a sex industry has a valid place in modern life. But in my own case, I felt a little too vulnerable to be intimate with a stranger.
Anyway, and much to my surprise, I did get into a relationship last year. I discovered that, for me, sex is entirely within my personal realm of possibility. My particular disability doesn’t affect–ahem–functioning, so it was just a matter of finding what works and what doesn’t. For the most part, I think my girlfriend at the time was quite satisfied with my abilities. Unfortunately, the relationship ended after a few months. Whether I’ll ever find another partner, who knows? I like to think that my thirties will be a little more exciting than my twenties. But most people still tend to associate disability with asexuality or complete sexual innocence. The common perception is that we’re too sick or too incapacitated to enjoy sex. Of course, reality is something else. Some of the most sexually voracious people I know are people with disabilities. Many friends of mine married and have children. I think the whole chemistry of attraction–what draws one human being to another–is remarkably mysterious and unpredictable.
There really isn’t one way to describe Sex & The Disability Experience. There’s my story and then there are millions of others. The mechanics, the who does what to whom and how, is only a small part of the whole picture. So don’t expect me to start posting pictures or diagrams. But I will say this: there are certain myths about guys of Jewish heritage that aren’t exactly myths.
Trust me.
