On yesterday’s Morning Edition, Ben Mattlin, a commentator with a physical disability, discusses the unexpected death of a friend who was a quadriplegic as the result of an accident. At his friend’s funeral, the pastor and several family members made varying remarks on the same theme: he was free of his unresponsive body, he was now walking around in heaven, and so forth. I’ve watched a few families deal with the death of a loved one with a disability and this seems like a typical attitude. The mourning family has an entirely human need to believe that their loved one is now “whole” again and living in a better place. This kind of thinking is, I suppose, mostly harmless, but it does make one wonder whether the family ever completely accepted that person, disability and all. It makes one wonder if the disability was more an issue for the family rather than for the person being mourned.
I’m fairly certain my immediate family and close friends wouldn’t express such sentiments upon my demise. Like anyone else, I’d hope they’d miss me and think of me fondly from time to time, but I’d be horrified if anyone looked back on my life and saw anything less than a rich and full existence.
I agree with you.