Last week, a Hamline student asked me, “If a pill existed that would make your disability suddenly disappear, would you take it?” I tried to answer honestly and said that I didn’t know. I tend to find such magical thinking not terribly helpful. It’s similar to asking a woman if she would take a pill to become a man. Or, dare I say it, asking a gay man if he would take a pill to become heterosexual. Would the pill really make life better for me, or simply more conventional?
But the student’s question does get me thinking. To what extent does my disability influence my core identity? String theory posits that our universe is but one of many. Suppose there’s a universe just next door with another version of me–a version of me whose DNA is barely distinguishable from my own, with the exception of a slightly different sequence on a certain chromosome. Would that Mark be an attorney or did he go into something else, like sales or medicine or banking? Is he married with kids and living in the suburbs? Is he still a geek or a total jock? Does he have the same temperament or is he kind of a dick? How recognizable would that version of me be to my friends and family in this universe?
These are interesting questions, but it doesn’t change my own narrative. My disability and the rest of “me” are inextricably meshed and intertwined, pushing and pulling on each other in ways I’ll never completely appreciate or understand.
I think that is a very interesting question. About 2 years ago I got very sick, and it changed me a lot. When I first got sick I thought that it certainly would change the way I take care of myself – sure there were things I had to do differntly. I did not think that it would change who I was on the inside as much as it has. Two years later I can see that I am a much better person “sick” than I ever was “well” and in a strange way I am thankful for the kick in the butt I got. I may be sick, but I am a much better version of me than I ever was before.
Hmmmmm. MeThinks that the Hamilne student was hoping that you’d say ‘Yes, of course I would’, possibly because that student couldn’t imagine anyone having a full and wonderful life while living with a disability.
What WAS your answer?
haha “still kind of a dick”