What’s in a Name?

Had a pretty good birthday. My parents gave me some clothes and a couple books. My sister gave me a couple CDs including the new Radiohead and Liz Phair. And I’ve decided to have a party with my friends in a couple weeks, so I’ll have to send out e-mails about that. Party at Mark’s! W00t w00t! Let’s REALLY annoy my asshole neighbor! And like I said, you’re all invited.
According to this site, the name MARK means:
The name of Mark gives you a very individual, reserved, serious nature.
Well, if you say so. But I’m not a total stiff.
You stick stubbornly to your ideas or decisions, in spite of any appeals or advice; you are not willing to accept a compromise.
That’s because I’m right. Always.
You prefer to be alone with your own thoughts, rather than in the company of others. This name restricts spontaneity in association and the fluency of your verbal expression. When you are required to express yourself in personal matters requiring finesse and diplomacy, you feel awkward and embarrassed. Although you realize perfectly well what is expected of you, you are unable to find the right words, and hence you end up saying something inappropriate in a candid way.
Geez, this makes me sound like a total loser. I’ll have you know I’m smooth like a trophy wife’s face after a Botox injection. I’m more polished than a high school senior’s application to Harvard.
You can express your deeper thoughts and feelings best through writing.
Okay, lucky guess..
Your friendships and personal associations are rather restricted, being limited to those of a similar nature who can understand and accept your rather straightforward yet reserved manner.
Hardly. I’m very likeable. Just ask my last three victims.
You are steadfast and loyal, and do not allow gossip or anything belittling to be said against those whom you accept in friendship.
True. Don’t dis my posse, yo.
You find satisfaction in being outdoors or in getting out into nature, or in dealing with the products of the earth.
Ah ha ha ha ha ha! Okay, I’m done. No, wait…ha ha ha hee hee ha HA! Man, that’s some funny shit.
There is originality and depth of thought contained in this name, particularly along practical and mathematical lines.
I almost failed trigonometry.
This name can adversely affect the health of your respiratory organs, the heart and lungs.
See, Mom and Dad? This is all YOUR FAULT! Why couldn’t you have given me some nice innocuous name like Billy or Melvin?
Also, you are prone to suffer from weaknesses centering in the head.
Screw you, hippie website!