Let’s talk about sex. There, I knew that would get your attention. I’ve touched on other aspects of the disability experience in this blog, but I’ve found that sex is the one issue where people have a great deal of curiosity but little willingness to ask. So turn away if this topic makes you uncomfortable.
Sex plays out differently for everyone and it’s no different for those of us with disabilities. My own sexual awakening came rather late. Throughout my teens and most of my twenties, I was uncertain as to whether anyone would want to have sex with me. After all, having a nurse around 24-7 makes cultivating a relationship a challenging proposition. For many years, the idea of getting laid seemed about as likely as me leaping out of my chair and taking up rock-climbing. I even considered paying someone for the experience, but that idea just never felt right. I’m not opposed to prostitution per se. I think a sex industry has a valid place in modern life. But in my own case, I felt a little too vulnerable to be intimate with a stranger.
Anyway, and much to my surprise, I did get into a relationship last year. I discovered that, for me, sex is entirely within my personal realm of possibility. My particular disability doesn’t affect–ahem–functioning, so it was just a matter of finding what works and what doesn’t. For the most part, I think my girlfriend at the time was quite satisfied with my abilities. Unfortunately, the relationship ended after a few months. Whether I’ll ever find another partner, who knows? I like to think that my thirties will be a little more exciting than my twenties. But most people still tend to associate disability with asexuality or complete sexual innocence. The common perception is that we’re too sick or too incapacitated to enjoy sex. Of course, reality is something else. Some of the most sexually voracious people I know are people with disabilities. Many friends of mine married and have children. I think the whole chemistry of attraction–what draws one human being to another–is remarkably mysterious and unpredictable.
There really isn’t one way to describe Sex & The Disability Experience. There’s my story and then there are millions of others. The mechanics, the who does what to whom and how, is only a small part of the whole picture. So don’t expect me to start posting pictures or diagrams. But I will say this: there are certain myths about guys of Jewish heritage that aren’t exactly myths.
Trust me.
not to be crude, but i’d imagine that if you didn’t care about intimacy, it would probably be possible to get laid by women who were curious or adventuresome and wanted to give wheelchair sex a try..
realistically i don’t see why anyone that is wheelchair bound couldn’t have sex assuming everything was functioning and it didn’t present health hazards, but i imagine a lot of people assume the worst when they imagine what it must be like to be disabled. Its kind of nice that you shared this to clarify so people have a better understanding.
Holy moly Rocky, Who let the dogs out!!!
thanks for the openness, my grandson lives with SMA, and your writing helps me to understand something of the experiences life may hold for him
Do my eyes deceive me? Did what began as yet another in a long line of terrifically personal and insightful 19th Floor posts end as a boast about your endowment? I’m flustered and shocked, Mark. Flustered and shocked.
“there are certain myths about guys of Jewish heritage that aren’t exactly myths”
Untrustworthy, vulgar, greedy, pushy, ostentatious, oversensitive, manipulative, ugly and clannish?
Okay, who let the Nazi in? Sorry, fella, Nazi nights are the second Tuesday of every month. So run along and get a haircut! What self-respecting Nazi has a mullet, for gosh’s sake?
And you’re wrong about the oversensitive part. You, on the other hand, seem to have issues. Did a Jew steal your girl or what?
I forgot to add: Quick to accuse anyone of being a Nazi
http://www.lukeford.net/Dennis/p17.html
“the danger facing American Jews today is not that Christians want to persecute them, but that Christians want to marry them.”
Too late for you I’m afraid. But can you imagine mainstream white politicians discussing ‘danger facing whites from miscegenation’?
I’m disabled neck down and my girlfriend is disabled waist down and we have a great relationship. To have sex she sits on my penis and she rocks her self around, we have the best sex ever. Who says disabled people can’t have sex. Just cos we can’t move we can still fell are selves inside each other.
i am a wheelchair user for 15yrs and for the last 5mos i have stopped all my medications and to start feeling my loins and the cum very ez and i read alot of dirty stories and would love to have sex with a younger lady in here 30-50 and i live in hollywood florida.