Matchmaker

OKCupid, a dating site that I’ve tried off and on over the years, has recently been e-mailing the users deemed to be the most attractive to inform them that their hottie status ensures that they won’t have to look at us snaggletoothed dregs of the gene pool when they search for that special someone. Here’s an excerpt:

We are very pleased to report that you are in the top half of OkCupid’s most attractive users. The scales recently tipped in your favor, and we thought you’d like to know…

Your new elite status comes with one important privilege:

You will now see more attractive people in your match results.

This new status won’t affect your actual match percentages, which are still based purely on your answers and desired match’s answers. But the people we recommend will be more attractive. Also! You’ll be shown to more attractive people in their match results.

I now wish to extend my sympathies to all the extraordinarily beautiful women on OKCupid who will be denied the pleasure of viewing my profile. We could have some good times, but this is a crazy world and it just wasn’t meant to be. There, don’t cry. I’m sure you’ll find someone almost as awesome as me.