I was sitting in my office this afternoon, minding my own business, when I received an e-mail from the state’s GOP legislative leaders. It addressed me as “Valued State Employee”, which made me immediately suspect that this was some kind of prank. The rest of the e-mail went on to say that, gosh, they really didn’t want a shutdown to happen and that none of us would be in this mess if the governor would just cave and sign the GOP’s all-cuts budget. Then there was something about “hostage taking” and kitchen tables, but I was already moving the cursor to the “Delete” icon.
I don’t mind skimming the GOP talking points on the web, but I really don’t need an e-mail from them reminding me that I’m just another pawn on the board. Yes, the governor has e-mailed me as well, but:
(a) he’s my boss; and
(b) his e-mail scored far lower on the Blatant Pandering scale.
Anyway, here’s my response:
Dear GOP Leadership:
Thank you for your concern about a possible interruption of my paycheck in the near future. I share your concern and would like to continue receiving a paycheck. You have no idea how much restraint I’ve exercised in the past month to refrain from purchasing various comics, computer games, and some really choice vintage erotica I found on Craigslist over the weekend. But I would also like to avoid fucking over poor people who need health care and housing.
Therefore, I must respectfully request that you direct all future communications to my superior, Governor Mark Dayton. He gets paid to tolerate your canned pontificating. I don’t.
Sincerely,
Your Valued State Employee
I really, really hope you sent that reply. Great post.