I was listening to NPR a little while ago when I heard the term ‘quirkyalone’ for the first time. Writer Sasha Cagen defines someone who is a quirkyalone:
For the quirkyalone, there is no patience for dating just for the sake of not being alone. On a fine but by no means transcendent date we dream of going home to watch television. We would prefer to be alone with our own thoughts than with a less than perfect fit. We are almost constitutionally incapable of casual relationships.
Cagen seems to use the term to describe a certain subgroup of women, but I see a bit of me in that definition. I do derive a kind of melancholy satisfaction from being alone. I like the little rituals of my solitary life and the simplicity of not having to worry about anyone but myself. My last girlfriend accused me of being a selfish person, and in a way, she’s probably right. I live in my head so much of the time and it’s not easy for me to let anyone else in to my zone of privacy.
That isn’t to say I don’t keep exploring romantic possibilities. I obsessively check Match.com every day to see how many people have looked at my profile (668 and counting). But a deeper part of me knows that it will take a minor miracle for me to meet someone as weird as me.
There is so much to what Cagen says, but I think there should be another term for “a kind of melancholy satisfaction from being alone” when it comes down to those of us who are gravity impaired. Cagen is, more then not, referring to women who have discovered they don’t have to marry to have a purpose in this life. But it is only a jumping point. I think, at least for myself, that when one has caregivers daily and multiple times there is no Privacy and one finds it in solitude. I often say I would love to be in a relationship again but I rarely believe my own words. It is hard to let others in “here” when too often we have no choice.
Hmmm.
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