Stephen Hawking is coming to Ottawa next summer? I’d better put in for my vacation time now so I can make it up there for our joint press conference to announce There Will Be Blood: Siegel vs. Hawking. Oh, yes, our zero-g deathmatch is still on. We ran into a few hitches booking the International Space Station, but then we got some funding from a couple venture capitalists who think that gimp gladiator matches in Earth orbit could be bigger than the World Series of Poker. Hawking is still demanding top billing, but I’m letting my agent deal with him. The dude’s such a diva.

Minnesota has a reputation of providing quality health care to its citizens. But, according to an analysis of federal quality measures, our home health care agencies rank abysmally low in comparison to those in other states. It’s an alarming finding, but I’m not sure how accurately it reflects the true state of affairs. For one thing, the data was gathered from only 160 Medicare-certified home care agencies in Minnesota. There are hundreds more agencies that provide personal care services throughout the state and many aren’t Medicare-certified because they don’t need to be. Any discussion of home care quality should encompass the whole range of providers. Second, I’d like more information about the quality measures themselves. The article notes that the measures reflect “the percentage of patients who get better at walking, bathing, taking medications and other measures of well-being”. Okay, but how do the agencies track this data? Does a visiting nurse fill out a form during a monthly visit? Does the nurse know the person well enough to accurately comment on whether improvement is occurring?

I also find it interesting that owners of the higher-performing agencies quoted in the article emphasize their strong relationships and familiarity with their clients. One of the most common complaints about home health agencies is that their inability to retain staff results in inconsistent care for the person. That was definitely one of my complaints about the nursing agencies I used and it was a contributing factor to my decision to stop using agencies.

On both my office and home computer, I “click” the mouse via a small adaptive switch that rests under my right thumb. The switch registers small muscle movements and I have decent movement in my thumb, so it’s an effective solution. But that only gives me access to the left mouse button. If I want to get my game on or perform other tasks that require the right mouse button, then another switch is required. In the past, the second switch would usually be tucked inside my left hand. My left hand has less strength than my right and finding the sweet spot for activating this second switch has always been a chore. And recently, my left hand has gotten even more uncooperative. I’m not sure if it’s further muscle atrophy or subconscious laziness, but generating movement in my left hand is more difficult now than it once was. That’s left me searching for alternate muscles to activate the switch.

I was explaining the situation to one of my nurses, who reminded me that I can move my ears. I hadn’t thought of this. Wiggling my ears was always good for amusing little kids and scoring “cute” points with the occasional girl, but it didn’t seem to have much practical utility beyond that. After a little experimentation, we managed to position the switch just above my left ear, where it was held in place by the stem of my glasses. It works pretty well and is more comfortable than the previous set-up. And the irony of using one disability (my astigmatism), combined with a freak talent, to compensate for another disability is cosmically funny.

This should tide me over until I can get that neural implant.

I flexed my self-control muscles today by going into a bookstore, browsing, and then leaving without buying anything. I’m feeling quite smug. But as I was scanning the books in the science fiction/fantasy section, I noticed that a certain style of book cover has become quite popular. These covers feature illustrations of svelte young women’s rear profiles; young women who seem to share an affinity for tight clothing and pagan/wiccan/whatever tatts on their lower backs. A quick glance at the cover blurbs reveals that these women are entangled in generally dysfunctional relationships with vampires, demons, and such. It’s a weird fusion of fantasy and bodice-ripper that Tolkien probably never would have imagined.

I’ve decided that my next book will be about a bad-girl hottie who works as a personal care assistant during the day and hunts vampires at night. Clearly, this kind of stuff sells and I don’t want to miss my opportunity to cash in.

Today was my last day spent in my current position, which meant that I spent most of the day in a somewhat frantic state as I finished up some outstanding tasks. The four-day weekend will provide me with an opportunity to catch my breath before I plunge into a new policy area. I’ve appreciated all the well wishes and congratulatory remarks I’ve received from colleagues. My calendar is already filling up with meetings and I have a feeling it’s only going to get busier. A bureaucrat’s life is never dull.