Fifty-foot tall brain-controlled robot + shoulder-mounted rocket launcher on said robot + shoulder-mounted laser cannon on said robot + me = best benevolent despot ever.
Dec 192006
Dec 182006
Patrick O’Brien is a filmmaker with ALS who is attempting to raise funds for a film he’s creating about his experiences as a person living with a potentially fatal condition. He also wants to promote ALS research. To aid his efforts, Patrick is making available this poster of himself.
You can buy the poster here.
I really like this picture. It speaks to the fact that life’s pleasures are not beyond the reach of people with severe disabilities, even if those pleasures are enjoyed via nontraditional means. I also like Patrick’s sly, fuck-it-I-wanna-drink smile.
And yes, I’ve poured beer down my g-tube. But never the whole bottle. Given my size, one bottle would be enough to make me start thinking the girl across the room is actually giving me the look. And then all sorts of embarrassment would ensue.
Dec 172006
According to Time magazine, I’m the person of the year. And before you get too envious, it turns out that you are, too. Why do I get the feeling that the editors came up with this idea the morning after the holiday office party? Sure, the Web now gives everyone the tools to generate content for the masses, but that doesn’t mean all content is created equal. Hell, I’m not even saying my content is worth reading.
And did the editors at Time really have a dearth of potential individual candidates? What about Rahm Emanuel, one of the chief architects of the Democrats’ rise from the ashes? What about the actual creators of YouTube? What about George Bush, whose war dominated the headlines this past year and was likely a major deciding factor in the elections?
I canceled my subscription to Time exactly because of this kind of milquetoast journalism.
Dec 162006
What with all the attention given to Christmas and Hanukkah and Kwanzaa, we acolytes of His Noodliness the Flying Spaghetti Monster can feel a little trodden down. Fortunately, there are those us who are using the traditional conventions of the holiday season to remind people that there is only one true path to enlightenment. Behold:
Dec 152006
Well, I finished my holiday shopping without stepping foot in a mall. I heart the internet so much this time of year. And I didn’t even buy anything for myself. I should be commended for my restraint.
Dec 142006
Now that the 2006 political season is over, what’s a political junkie to do? Why, start studying the field of candidates for the 2008 presidential no-holds-barred deathcage elimination ultimate slugfest smackdown. Let’s start by looking at the Democrats:
John Edwards: I really liked Edwards’ “Two Americas” campaign theme; it seems to resonate with a lot of people who are feeling anxious about their jobs, their health care, and their retirement. And he’s a Southerner, a characteristic that seems to be a prerequisite for Democratic presidents in the last few decades. He seems to be doing well in the early Iowa polls, but he’s also been away from the political scene for a while, which could hurt him in terms of fundraising and putting together an effective campaign team.
Hillary Clinton: She’s got the name. She’s got the cash. She’s got the connections. And if she is the nominee, the Republicans will unleash their vast hordes of underworld minions to do massive amounts of oppo research to provide fodder for attack ads that will make the Swift Boat spots look like gentle teasing. Part of me wants her to run because I think she would make a formidable candidate. Part of me wants her to sit out so I don’t have to look at right-wing sloganeering like this.
Barack Obama: He could be the lightning in a bottle that Democrats have been looking for. Bright, articulate, handsome, young; it’s like he was engineered in some secret lab funded by George Soros. But he has a troubling tendency to be all things to all people. Then again, so does Hillary.
Al Gore: I think he’s having too much fun going to Hollywood parties and doing the talk show circuit to put all of that on hold for the unforgiving rigors of a political campaign. But if he does decide to run, pass the popcorn and enjoy the dirty looks exchanged between him and Hillary during the debates.
John Kerry: You’re kidding, right?
And then you have the also-rans like Evan Bayh, Joe Biden, and Bill Richardson. Then again, Bill Clinton was a second-tier candidate in the eyes of many pundits.
I’ll give the Republicans a similar treatment in the next few days.
Dec 132006
Another headset for my cordless telephone gave up the ghost, so I’m thinking it may be time to cut the cord and get rid of my landline in favor of a cell phone and Bluetooth earpiece. I use a Bluetooth earpiece with my VoIP phone at work and people seem to hear me fairly well. Those RAZR phones look kind of cool, but I still wouldn’t be able to make calls or answer the phone myself. Maybe I should just wait a while and see if my cable company can eventually offer me a set-up similar to what I have at the office. And no, Skype isn’t the answer; the quality of Skype calls is still too erratic for me to depend on it as my primary phone.
Dec 122006
Evil, thy name is soy. According to an evangelical commentator, soy is turning our country’s men into sissified nancy boys. Sorry, I have to call shenanigans on this. My own diet is primarily soy-based and, aside from an aversion to talking about sports, I consider myself pretty masculine. I like girls. I obsess over my gadgets. I can recite every line from Raiders of the Lost Ark.
I thought the religious right ascribed to the notion that homosexuality was a choice, not the result of too much soy milk when you were a kid. I wonder if the election results are causing some conservatives to lose whatever tenuous grip on reality they may have had.
Dec 112006
Having decided that the field of Democratic candidates for president just isn’t crowded enough, Dennis Kucinich has decided to make another tilt at the windmills. When I heard the news on the radio, the ensuing flashbacks were almost enough to make me curl up into a ball and whimper. But I’m nothing if not resilient. As part of my ongoing efforts to therapeutically address the trauma he inflicted, perhaps I’ll go to one of his rallies carrying a sign that says:
DENNIS, NO MEANS NO!
Dec 102006
Congratulations to Angela F. and Jim V. They’re the two winners in the Dragon NaturallySpeaking 9 giveaway. Thanks to everyone who entered. Hopefully, I’ll have more swag to give away in the future. Before you know it, this blog will be nothing but a marketing tool for my yet-to-be-determined corporate masters.