Let’s talk about sex. There, I knew that would get your attention. I’ve touched on other aspects of the disability experience in this blog, but I’ve found that sex is the one issue where people have a great deal of curiosity but little willingness to ask. So turn away if this topic makes you uncomfortable.
Sex plays out differently for everyone and it’s no different for those of us with disabilities. My own sexual awakening came rather late. Throughout my teens and most of my twenties, I was uncertain as to whether anyone would want to have sex with me. After all, having a nurse around 24-7 makes cultivating a relationship a challenging proposition. For many years, the idea of getting laid seemed about as likely as me leaping out of my chair and taking up rock-climbing. I even considered paying someone for the experience, but that idea just never felt right. I’m not opposed to prostitution per se. I think a sex industry has a valid place in modern life. But in my own case, I felt a little too vulnerable to be intimate with a stranger.
Anyway, and much to my surprise, I did get into a relationship last year. I discovered that, for me, sex is entirely within my personal realm of possibility. My particular disability doesn’t affect–ahem–functioning, so it was just a matter of finding what works and what doesn’t. For the most part, I think my girlfriend at the time was quite satisfied with my abilities. Unfortunately, the relationship ended after a few months. Whether I’ll ever find another partner, who knows? I like to think that my thirties will be a little more exciting than my twenties. But most people still tend to associate disability with asexuality or complete sexual innocence. The common perception is that we’re too sick or too incapacitated to enjoy sex. Of course, reality is something else. Some of the most sexually voracious people I know are people with disabilities. Many friends of mine married and have children. I think the whole chemistry of attraction–what draws one human being to another–is remarkably mysterious and unpredictable.
There really isn’t one way to describe Sex & The Disability Experience. There’s my story and then there are millions of others. The mechanics, the who does what to whom and how, is only a small part of the whole picture. So don’t expect me to start posting pictures or diagrams. But I will say this: there are certain myths about guys of Jewish heritage that aren’t exactly myths.
Trust me.

Napster is coming back. I remember a friend telling me about Napster back in ’99 and shrugging my shoulders. I was poor and still using dial-up and I didn’t get the appeal of waiting 20 minutes for a song to download. But then I got my clerking job and could suddenly afford broadband. I checked out Napster again and it was like trying crack for the first time. I was soon gleefully downloading songs I remembered from my youth; stuff like Cyndi Lauper and Wang Chung. And Duran Duran. Lots of Duran Duran.
I hope all my East Coast readers are safe and sound. It sounds like most people are behaving rather well; no 1970’s New York Style Blackout Looting and Rampaging. And trust the mobloggers to be all over this. I just wish mainstream media could be this spontaneous and unobtrusive.

Reading this article reminds me that I need to get out of the city sometime soon to do some stargazing. My parents have a summer home in Door County and my brother and I enjoyed some spectacular views of the Perseid showers. I have some vacation coming up at the end of the month, so maybe that will be a good time to go for a drive and find an open field somewhere.

Man, I’m fried. The party went off better than I thought. I think I had about ten people show up, including a couple friends from law school who I hadn’t seen in forever. I meant to take pictures, but I got distracted and it just didn’t happen. Maybe I could have been more spontaneous if I had a digicam. Oh well, something to work on for the Second Annual Thirtieth Birthday Party. And next year, I’m expecting all of you to come.

I need to catch up on my e-mail. Allison and Amy, you’re on my list. And a big shout-out to my friend Anna, who is apparently wasting her time reading this drivel of mine. Anna, Amy and I are proud graduates of St. Norbert College. Located on the shores of the beautiful Fox River, SNC is a fine liberal arts college with a not-so-liberal student population. That fact always seemed a little curious to me. When I got to the U of Minnesota, I remember experiencing a little culture shock because everyone was so much more…like me. Not to say that there weren’t any liberals at SNC, but I think we were a little outnumbered. Another funny fact: when I graduated from SNC in 1995, maybe one or two buildings were equipped with automatic doors. For the entire four years I was there, I relied on my fellow students to help me in and out of most of the buildings. When I came back to visit a couple years later, accessibility had dramatically improved around the entire campus. Better late than never, I guess.