I’m guessing you had a better weekend than me. I came home from work Friday evening with a massive headache and a few hours later I was in the local emergency room with a scorching fever and a tweaked-out heart rate. Things were so bad that I seriously contemplated the possibility that I might spontaneously combust. I was admitted to the hospital and soon discovered I had pneumonia. After they pumped me full of antibiotics, I was sent home the next day (with even more antibiotics). I’m still not functioning at peak efficiency, but I’m happy to have avoided the discomfort and tedium of an extended hospital stay. In the meantime, the doctor has ordered plenty of fluids and sensual massages from women in fishnets. I intend to comply.

It was only a matter of time before the Swedish vampire movie Let the Right One In became fodder for an American remake. The trailer for Let Me In seems to be pretty faithful to the source material, although I doubt it will contain the sexual subtexts of the original. And if you don’t know to what I’m referring, do yourself a favor and see the original. It’s a superb movie, but certain elements probably wouldn’t play well in Peoria. The trailer for the American version is effective in that it piques my interest in seeing the film, but I remain skeptical that it will measure up to the original.

While I don’t have a problem with American remakes of foreign films, it’s unfortunate that American audiences remain generally oblivious to international titles (even after the remake is released). Nearly everyone on the planet has at least heard of Avatar, but only a tiny sliver of American moviegoers have heard of Let the Right One In or City of God or Oldboy or any number of great movies made in other countries. I keep hoping that our freeflowing digital culture might change that, but maybe our strong aversion to subtitles is just too much to overcome.

According to one study, people report that they read a traditional hard-copy book faster than they read an e-book. That’s certainly not my experience; I tend to prefer e-books when I’m on a tight book club deadline. But I’m also accustomed to reading for lengthy periods of time on a computer screen. The only thing that slows me down are e-mail notifications and random impulses to Google some obscure topic. I really should turn off my internet connection when I’m reading, but I can’t quite bring myself to do that.

What is it that makes us human? Our powers of reason? Our recognition of our own mortality? Our ability to invent things like the computer and the Pringles potato chip? Or is it something more prosaic, such as our ability to masturbate frequently? According to the article, no other species possesses the ability to conjure up mental dirty movies as a tool to facilitate self-pleasure.The author then goes on to say that the ubiquitous nature of Internet porn may have long-term consequences for the vibrancy of our erotic imaginations. Nonsense. Like any American guy in his mid-thirties, I’ve seen my fair share of porn. But I’m still quite capable of closing my eyes and dreaming up a wholly original scenario involving me and a very lonely librarian. And if she happens to slightly resemble Shyla Stylez, that’s just my inner director making a casting decision.

Hulu, the TV streaming site, announced a subscription service that will offer much more in the way of current and older shows for $10 a month. It’s intriguing, but my Netflix subscription (which includes a rapidly growing streaming catalog) serves me quite well. I’d gladly pay $20 or $30 for a service that offered both television and films via streaming (including HBO and Showtime series) and completely ditch my cable TV subscription, but that day is still probably a couple years away. Until then, I’m declaring a moratorium on additional media subscriptions. Plus, there are these things called books that I still like to consume. They can be pretty entertaining and they charge a pretty affordable one-time access fee.