Mark 527, Microbes 0

I’m guessing you had a better weekend than me. I came home from work Friday evening with a massive headache and a few hours later I was in the local emergency room with a scorching fever and a tweaked-out heart rate. Things were so bad that I seriously contemplated the possibility that I might spontaneously combust. I was admitted to the hospital and soon discovered I had pneumonia. After they pumped me full of antibiotics, I was sent home the next day (with even more antibiotics). I’m still not functioning at peak efficiency, but I’m happy to have avoided the discomfort and tedium of an extended hospital stay. In the meantime, the doctor has ordered plenty of fluids and sensual massages from women in fishnets. I intend to comply.