Love Is A Battlefield

I can totally relate to Adrien Brody’s character in King Kong. It’s a familiar story; sensitive writer falls for a beautiful ingenue, but he has to compete with a brooding jock-type for her attention. The writer expresses his love for the ingenue by writing a play for her. The big lug expresses his love by killing T. Rexes and beating the shit out of other people. The ingenue knows the writer is a good guy, but she can’t help but feel a more primal attraction to the vocabulary-challenged dude with the big pecs and the anger-management issues.
Story of my life.
As I was writing this, I received an e-mail from a woman on Match.com. Here’s an excerpt:
I dream to create family and to care of my husband. I want, that me liked and also cared. I like tenderness and kindness in the person. Also I like the decent and fair person. I still young and I want to think of my family. I want to create healthy and strong family in a lot of good statuses for a life!
She then goes on to ask that I e-mail her at an address ending with a Russian domain name. I have to say, the prominent mention of “husband” is a little off-putting, but I’m willing to chalk that up to simple overeagerness. I looked at her profile and she’s looking for guys between 3’0″ and 8’0″, so I’m covered there. And as an attorney and civil servant, I’ve got “good statuses” written all over me. Plus, I really dig women with Slavic accents. I think I have a good feeling about this one. Now all I have to do is e-mail her back. It’s a little weird that she asked me to attach PDFs of my bank statements and pay stubs, but she’s probably been burned by other guys in the past and she’s just trying to be careful. And I’d better start checking on ticket prices to Moscow or St Petersburg or wherever because she’s probably going to want to introduce me to the family.
I knew this on-line dating thing would pay off sooner or later.