PBS Scarred Me For Life

For decades, parents and educators have extolled the virtues of Sesame Street. Millions of parents have plunked their children down in front of that staple of public television, confident that their children’s minds were soaking up all kinds of educational goodness. I know, I was one of them. I spent countless hours lying on the brown corduroy sofa in our family room in the company of Grover, Oscar, Kermit, and the rest. But I’m here to tell you that Sesame Street has inflicted untold amounts of psychic damage on the nation’s youth.

After reading a BoingBoing post where readers shared the Sesame Street skits that induced childhood terrors and panic attacks (the orange singing Carmen, the yip-yip aliens), I was reminded of Don Music. This spawn of Jim Henson’s dark imagination, with his manic eyes and violent self-injurious behavior, would completely freak me out every time he appeared on the screen. I would tearfully beg my mom to turn off the television until that horrific puppet was finished terrifying the other children of America. To this day, the sight of long-haired keyboardists makes me break out in a cold sweat.

Beware, parents. Sesame Street may teach your kids the ABCs and the importance of sharing, but it will also teach them the true meaning of fear.