Ten Things

You know that Facebook meme that’s going around? The one where you’re supposed to write 25 things about yourself? Well, here are 10 things about me that are not in the least bit true or accurate.

1. I was born in one-room shack in the Yukon backwoods to anarchist parents who are still wanted by Interpol.
2. The color magenta makes me violently ill.
3. I make a tidy living writing explicit romance novels under the pseudonym Lady Desiree Wanton St. James.
4. David Bowie has my e-mail address and he keeps forwarding me LOLcats pictures. 
5. My disability is the result of an accidental exposure to gamma radiation on military proving grounds in the New Mexican desert.
6. On three separate occasions, I’ve been abducted by aliens. The first two incidents were, on the whole, rather pleasant. The third, not so much.
7. I can’t fall asleep without the soundtrack for Footloose playing in the background.
8. I had a secret affair with a Cirque du Soleil performer.
9. I have a recurring dream in which Abraham Lincoln, Jerry Seinfeld, and I are doing improv comedy in front of a live audience.
10. The Russian Mafia has a contract out on me.