Better Than A Swiss Army Knife

In addition to being Memorial Day, today is also Towel Day. As geeks around the world already know, a towel is one of the most useful multi-purpose tools ever created by sentient hands. According to the seminal Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy:

[Y]ou can wrap [a towel] around you for warmth as you bound across the cold
moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble sanded
beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapours; you can sleep
under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of
Kakrafoon; use it to sail a mini raft down the slow heavy river Moth;
wet it for use in hand-to-hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward
off noxious fumes or to avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast
of Traal (a mindboggingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can’t
see it, it can’t see you — daft as a bush, but very ravenous); you can
wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry
yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.

So before you leave for the beach, barbecue, or anywhere else, be sure to grab a towel. Mine doubles as a seat cover and a coded map to the secret stash where I keep my fake passports, hard currency, and old love letters. And remember: don’t panic!