For most law students, finals week is quickly approaching. Every field of study has its own peculiar method of flogging students’ minds and spirits, but law school finals require the stamina of a marathon runner, the calm of a Zen master, the recall of a Jeopardy! champion, and the bullshitting skills of a 19th century snake oil vendor. The entire semester’s grade hinges on how quickly and cogently you can apply sixteen weeks of material to an obscure fact pattern involving widgets and easements. It’s a stressful time when students inhabit the library day and night, often forgetting to bathe, eat, or blink.
Recognizing that finals week can be detrimental to one’s mental health, some schools try to give students a brief respite from the stresses of studying. George Mason University throws a puppy party for its law students. For a short while, students get to cuddle with a shelter puppy and forget all about the elements of negligence. The students seem to welcome the distraction, although it’s unclear what the puppies think of the whole business.
Back in my day, all I had to get me through finals was a couple of aspirin, caffeine pills, and late-night television. I didn’t have a puppy to lick my face and tell me everything would be okay. No sir, I studied for 16 hours each day, approached each final with stoic resolve, and then went home afterwards to have myself a good cry. Just like a real man should. Law students these days are way too coddled, what with their puppy parties and their fancy student lounges with free wi-fi and fancy coffee bars. What’s next? Milk and cookies in every classroom? Supervised naptime in between Contracts and Torts? I fear for the future of legal education.
