Even though I have a law degree, a career, and a whole resume full of professional and academic achievements, I can’t seem to escape other people’s compulsion to pat me on the head (or its verbal equivalent). This past week has given me ample material for discrete rolling of the eyes.
- Over the holiday weekend, I was at someone’s house and another guest seemed to be under the assumption that I required an interpreter, since most of her questions for me were directed at a third person (“Where did Mark go to school?”).
- On the elevator this morning, an older woman asked me how I was doing. “Fine,” I replied. This answer must have impressed her, because she gleefully said to my nurse, “Oh, he’s so positive! That’s what we like to hear.”
I’ve decided the people I meet in life fall into three categories. First is the Hopelessly Clueless. They simply aren’t capable of regarding me as an equal and will never confront their own biases about my disability. I interact them only when circumstance absolutely requires it. The second group is the Redeemably Clueless. They act awkwardly in my presence at first, but they usually are open to a little friendly instruction (think of me as the Henry Higgins to their Eliza Doolittle). The third group is the Cool People. Right from the start, their interactions with me are free of condescension or self-consciousness. Most of my friends probably fall into this last group.
Hmm, maybe I should turn the above paragraph into a paper. I’ll call it something like The Siegel Taxonomy: Observations on Disability and Social Dynamics.
I struggled with the interpreter treatment at first, but here’s the strategy I’ve developed:
Step 1: Exchange knowing glance with the interpreter, rolling your eyes slightly.
Step 2: Look the perp directly in the eye. Smile ever so slightly, keep your tone well modulated, and answer “Please tell Mrs. So-and-So that I went to Impressive University. Where did she go?”
Step 3: Repeat as necessary until the perp realizes how silly they look or your interpreter gets annoyed. Once the perp has left the area thank the interpreter for helping you accommodate the perp’s disability. When they ask what that disability was, answer “Her disability was that she’s an idiot.”
Discretion is usually wasted on some people – especially your First Group – and yes – you SHOULD write that paper – and distribute it widly – it would be nothing less than a public service and something everyone could benefit from reading.
But – a sharp verbal kick in the shins is more to my taste. Especially if I am feeling somewhat cranky. 😀
It happens whenever I go out in my powerchair. I could fill my blog with just the day’s ‘pat on head’ type event.
And being a personable 50 something, I get smarmed over by the too old to make an effort single men who think they are in with a chance because I must be desperate.
And I have been patted on the head, literally.
But hey ho, I have blogging contacts who can write about it more eruditely than I.
Let me know when its published !