Apr 272007

Roger Ebert, the film critic who transformed the lowly thumb into a pop culture icon, is recovering from cancer of the salivary gland.
He has had several surgeries, including a tracheotomy, and still bears many visible signs of his recent illness. Many of his friends have advised him to stay away from an upcoming film festival because his unusual appearance might be become fodder for the gossip rags. Here’s what he wrote in response:

Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn. As a journalist I can take it as well as dish it out. So let’s talk turkey. What will I look like? To paraphrase a line from “Raging Bull,” I ain’t a pretty boy no more.

Hell, he should have me accompany him. Next to my rather unconventional looks, he’ll seem rather ordinary in comparison. I have Ebert beat both in terms of artificial bodily orifices and physical deformities, not to mention my assorted accoutrements like my wheelchair and vent. I’ll happily vamp for the paparazzi while he sneaks into the festival relatively unnoticed.

I just have one question. Will Jessica Biel be there? I’ll totally cover my own expenses if Ebert can score me some face time with her.

  One Response to “Decoy”

  1. I think that his attitude is great. While we can appreciate a beautiful body (such as Jessica Biel’s), that is only our outer shell. People are so much more than whaqt they look like. Besides, what looks good is so subjective.
    I think it is about time that we appreciate people for their talents rather than how they look. I read a post you wrote a while back about English actors not being as pretty as Hollywood actors, and you are right! That is part of what I love about English productions. They look like real people!

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